An angel leaving this world
- Anonymous
- Feb 12, 2018
- 9 min read
Kim Jonghyun, a member of SHINee a beautiful soul passed away on December 18, 2017. It was revealed that he committed suicide, while staying in a rented apartment in Seoul on Monday night. The singer had sent texts saying his final goodbyes the text read, "I've had a hard time. Please let me go and say that I did a good job. This is my last word."
I am damaged from the inside. The depression that has been slowly eating away at me has completely swallowed me, and I couldn't win over it. I hated myself. I tried to hold on to breaking memories and yelled at myself to get a grip, but there was no answer. If I can't clear my breath, it's better to stop. I asked myself who can take care of myself. It's only me. I was alone. It's easy to say I'll end things. It's hard to end things. I lived all this time because of that difficulty. They said I wanted to run away. That's true. I wanted to run away. From me. From you. I asked who it was. It was me. And it was me. And it was me again. I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality. I see. It wa smy fault in the end. I wanted someone to notice, but no one noticed. No one met me, so of course they don't know I exist. I asked why people live. Just. Just. People just live. If I ask why people die, I guess they'd say they were tired. I suffered and I worried. I never learned how to turn my pain into happiness. Pain is just pain. They told me not to be like that. Why? I can't even end things the way I want? They told me to figure out why I was hurting. I know very well why. I'm hurting because of me. It's all my fault and because I'm bad. Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear? No, I didn't do anything wrong. When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor. It's amazing how much I'm hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not. Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am. But they said I should live. I asked why so many times, but it's not for me. It's for you. I wanted to be for me. Don't say things that don't make sense. Figure out why I'm hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting. Is it not okay to be hurting this much because of that? Do I need a more dramatic detail? I need more of a story? I told you why. Were you not listening? Things I can win over don't end in scars. It wasn't my place to clash with the world. It wasn't my life to be known to the world. They said that was why I was hurting more. Because I had clashed with the world, because I was known to the world. Why did I choose this? That's funny. It's a miracle I lasted this far. What more can I say? Just tell me I worked hard. That it was good of me to come this far. That I worked hard. Even if you can't smile as you let me go, please don't blame me. I worked hard. I really did work hard. Good bye.
The 27 year old male leaves a heart wrenching story for us. It truly wakes us on how even though we seem alright on the outside there is still a war going on in the inside.
Important Hotlines
Bullying and Cyberbullying
http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
CyberTipline 800-843-5678 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.cybertipline.com
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Helpline (Australia only) 1-800-55-1800 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelp.com.au
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line (Canada) 1-800-268-9688 or text 647-694-4275 http://www.youthline.ca/
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
National Suicide Hotline 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) 800-442-HOPE (4673) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.hopeline.com
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-TALK (8255) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
The Trevor Lifeline (U.S. only) 866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thetrevorproject.org
Your Life Iowa: Bullying Support and Suicide Prevention (855) 581-8111 (24/7) or text TALK to 85511 (4–8 PM every day) Chat is available Mondays–Thursdays from 7:30 PM–12:00 AM http://www.yourlifeiowa.org
Depression
Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention Find crisis centres in your area: https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Center and Hotlines Locator by State https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
Depression and Bipolar Support 800-273-TALK (8255) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.dbsalliance.org
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line (Canada) 1-800-268-9688 or text 647-694-4275 http://www.youthline.ca/
National Hopeline Network 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) 800-442-HOPE (4673) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.hopeline.com
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.spsamerica.org
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Your Life Iowa: Bullying Support and Suicide Prevention (855) 581-8111 (24/7) or text TALK to 85511 (4–8 PM every day) Chat is available Mondays–Thursdays from 7:30 PM–12:00 AM http://www.yourlifeiowa.org
Eating Disorders
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Eating Disorders 630-577-1330 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday http://www.anad.org
National Eating Disorders Association 800-931-2237 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Grief and Loss
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
National Hopeline Network 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) 800-442-HOPE (4673) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.hopeline.com
National Mental Health Association Hotline 800-273-TALK (8255) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.nmha.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) 800-959-TAPS (8277) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.taps.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Your Life Iowa: Bullying Support and Suicide Prevention (855) 581-8111 (24/7) or text TALK to 85511 (4–8 PM every day) Chat is available Mondays–Thursdays from 7:30 PM–12:00 AM http://www.yourlifeiowa.org
Homelessness and Runaways
Boys Town National Hotline - serving all at-risk teens and children 800-448-3000 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week Text VOICE to 20121, every day, 2 p.m. to 1 a.m. CST http://www.boystown.org/hotline
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
National Runaway Switchboard 800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.1800runaway.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Mental Health
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
National Hopeline Network 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) 800-442-HOPE (4673) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.hopeline.com
National Institute of Mental Health Information Center 866-615-6464 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday http://www.nimh.nih.gov/site-info/contact-nimh.shtml
National Mental Health Association Hotline 800-273-TALK (8255) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.nmha.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Your Life Iowa: Bullying Support and Suicide Prevention (855) 581-8111 (24/7) or text TALK to 85511 (4–8 PM every day) Chat is available Mondays–Thursdays from 7:30 PM–12:00 AM http://www.yourlifeiowa.org
Rape, Sexual Violence, and Domestic Violence
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline 800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week https://www.childhelp.org
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/child-abuse-reporting/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (866) 331-9474 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.loveisrespect.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.ndvh.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network 800-656-HOPE (4673) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.rainn.org
Safe Horizon’s Rape, Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673) Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-HELP (4357) Rape, Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline: 212-227-3000 TDD phone number for all hotlines: 866-604-5350 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.safehorizon.org
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org
Your Life Iowa: Bullying Support and Suicide Prevention (855) 581-8111 (24/7) or text TALK to 85511 (4–8 PM every day) Chat is available Mondays–Thursdays from 7:30 PM–12:00 AM http://www.yourlifeiowa.org
School Violence
Crisis Call Center 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices-html/
Crisis Text Line (U.S. only) Text HELLO to 741741 or message us at facebook.com/CrisisTextLine to chat with a Crisis Counselor. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
HopeLine Call or text 919-231-4525 or 1-877-235-4525 https://www.hopeline-nc.org/
Kids Help Phone (Canada only) 800-668-6868 Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.kidshelpphone.ca
National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Youth Violence Prevention 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday http://www.promoteprevent.org
Ontario Online and Text Crisis and Distress Service (ONTX) Text 741741 from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily Twenty-four hour distress and crisis lines: 416-408-HELP (4357)
SPEAK UP 866-SPEAK-UP (773-2587) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.bradycampaign.org/our-impact/campaigns/speak-up
TeenLine (310) 855-HOPE (4673) (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (U.S. and Canada only) Or text TEEN to 839863 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Time, every night https://teenlineonline.org
Thursday's Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week http://www.thursdayschild.org/
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